and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
