Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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