believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
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Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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