My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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