Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize