is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My life is pants optional.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
