i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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