i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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