After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
