I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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