so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
