I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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