i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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