It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize