I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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