Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
