I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
