4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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