she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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