I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
