saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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