I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
