question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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