I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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