i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
