So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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