dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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