so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
