My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
