Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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