I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize