I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
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I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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