Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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