her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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