i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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