Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
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Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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