her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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