you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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