My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
