And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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