He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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