Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
