His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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