Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
