Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize