well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
