I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
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Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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