just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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