I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
