Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
