she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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