i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
