Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
