I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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