I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
