Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
