i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
