I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
