i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
