Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
