I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize