you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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