My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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