how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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