I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
