sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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