Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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