This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
