i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just cropdusted the office
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
